What Abraham teaches us about faith and doubt

When I think about the ancient patriarch Abraham, the episode in which he ‘negotiates’ with God regarding Sodom and Gomorrah inevitably comes to mind. From Genesis 18:20-23:

Consequently Jehovah said: “The cry of complaint about Sodom and Gomorrah, yes, it is loud, and their sin, yes, it is very heavy. I am quite determined to go down that I may see whether they act altogether according to the outcry over it that has come to me, and, if not, I can get to know it.”

At this point the men turned from there and got on their way to Sodom; but as for Jehovah, he was still standing before Abraham. Then Abraham approached and began to say: “Will you really sweep away the righteous with the wicked?

After this, a sort of bargaining takes place. As a result of this bargaining, Jehovah promises not to destroy the city if he can find 10 righteous men within it. We know how the story ends, of course, with Lot and his family escaping the city (and his wife turning to a pillar of salt when she looked back).

When I think on my own doubts and questionings, some really important lessons for me come out of this story.

Abraham ponders the righteousness of his perception of God’s will. Jehovah never actually says he would destroy the righteous inhabitants of Sodom and Gomorrah along with the wicked, but Abraham evidently understands that. He misunderstands, of course, but rather than react inappropriately due to his frustration, he talks to God as His friend. Abraham does this out of faith and loyalty and a genuinely sincere concern for justice, not out of a misguided belief in his own moral superiority or personal righteousness. So Jehovah humbles himself to listen to Abraham’s entreaties, even though in reality a simple man had questioned His own righteousness.

This points up different types of doubts, distinguished by their motives: sincerity versus cynicism. As God’s friend, Abraham questions Jehovah because he wants to understand. He knows the Lord he had come to serve, and he simply can’t understand how destroying the entire city matches with what he has already learned. At the same time, he doesn’t quite have the whole picture, thus he doesn’t know that Jehovah has arranged to bring out Lot’s (equally confused) family.

When we look at it this way, Abraham doesn’t bargain with Jehovah as much as he begs for clarity. Rather than simply tell him the plan, though, God addresses his immediate concern while knowing that He will show his servant the answer to the question Abraham doesn’t quite know how to ask.

Then we can read a little more about this nephew of Abraham. Lot feels internal torment at seeing the lack of righteousness around him in Sodom. Later, when he delays and remains too long in that condemned society, Jehovah’s angels literally take him by the hand and bring him to safety. God doesn’t just leave him there or punish him because of that mistake of misunderstanding the urgency of the situation. Lot’s heart clearly loves what was good, although his wife doesn’t truly hate what was bad. Both of these men walked with God, and He has preserved them in His memory along with a “great cloud of witnesses”.

When we experience our own crises of faith, questioning ourselves and what we believe, Jehovah will stick with us if our hearts show us to be the sort of people He teaches us to be. If we doubt something, not because we have let ourselves become cynical, but because we don’t fully recognize the contours of our own imperfect understanding, Abraham’s example teaches us that we still take refuge in Jehovah.

Let Jehovah judge through Christ while we focus on showing love and mercy. We can trust the Lord, just like Lot and Abraham did.

Focusing to recover my identity

I started fiddling around again today with my digital life. Or, perhaps more tellingly given that we’ve made it to 2011, my web life. What blogs do I want to keep around (or start)? What about Twitter and Tumblr? How about other communities where I’d like to participate more, like Wikipedia?

This inevitably leads to two separate yet linked trains of thoughts: tools and topics. In the past, perhaps I focused too much on the cup and not enough on the coffee. So today I thought more about the topics. What areas deserve my attention? What stuff matters? Out of necessity, my professional life will probably remain fairly static this year, or at least I hope it does, since I’m doing well in my current gig.

Focus matters

And this led to a bit of epiphany for me: focusing on something makes it seem to matter more.

I suppose, like most interesting thoughts, that I’ve heard something like it before.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. (Matthew 6:21, NWT)

Of course, this applies even to things that actually don’t matter. Not everything in our lives will ever have the same importance. Our lives already give us a heavy enough load to carry, and we need to find ways to lighten it from time to time.

But as an example: if I blog about, say, MMORPGs (a pastime I really enjoy), then I’ll inevitably spend more time, energy, and focus on them. But those resources have limits, so maybe I should take the focus I would otherwise spend blogging about them and invest it in something else, while still leaving me the option to play some.

On the other hand, for now I can’t spend as much focus as I’d like on the deeper things, for various reasons. That statement is fairly circumspect, out of necessity, but I think I can say that for the last couple of years I’ve been in a survival mode in some sense.  But if I spend more of my focus on spiritual and emotional matters, then I can clarify my mind and thereby re-energize myself.

The lamp of the body is the eye. If, then, your eye is simple, your whole body will be bright. (Matthew 6:22, NWT)

I’ll never be the pre-2009 Kyle Maxwell again, for better or for worse. But I can focus on what he had that I can still have.

Relief

I haven’t been to a Bible meeting in a few weeks until today. Largely, this stemmed from family obligations (pneumonia in the house, father-in-law’s heart attack) plus some problems at work. I felt bad about it, regardless, because I know I should be there and ‘not forsake the gathering of ourselves together’, as Hebrews 10 tells us.

Sometimes, when this happens, that guilt ferments naturally into anxiety. Today I felt shaky, and for a moment I didn’t want to go because I felt bad about not having gone. (Writing it out that way makes it sound even more irrational!)

I went, though, and I felt something odd. We’ve all had moments when we needed something physically. Maybe food, a trip to the bathroom, medication, or sleep. When we finally got it, we felt flooded with relief. That’s the only way to describe how I felt today. Once the opening prayer had finished and we got underway with a sermon on remaining spiritually awake, I felt that physical sensation of warmth and release, something far more than just emotional.

Maybe neurology has some explanation, and I can certainly find a number of theological ones as well (e.g. “the peace of God that excels all thought”). No matter what caused it, though, I really enjoyed the refreshment on all levels.

Next time I can remind myself of that and see what happens.

“Promised Land” Coffee

This works best with a bold coffee.

Use 2 tablespoons (Tbsp) of freshly ground coffee for every 6 fluid ounces (fl oz.) water. Note that most coffee makers use 4 fl oz. / cup instead of the actual 8 fl oz. / cup. This means that if you fill up your coffee maker to 6 cups, you should actually put in 8 Tbsp:

6 coffee maker cups * 4 fl oz/ cup -> 24 fl oz.

24 fl oz. / (2 Tbsp / 6 fl oz.) -> 8 Tbsp

When placing the grounds in the coffee maker, add a few dashes of cinnamon.

“As for you, take to yourself the choicest perfumes: myrrh in congealed drops… and sweet cinnamon… and sweet calamus”. — Exodus 30:23

During the brewing process, heat up 2-4 fl oz. of milk, possibly in the microwave.

Cover the inside bottom of each mug with a thin layer of honey.

“My son, eat honey, for it is good; and let sweet comb honey be upon your palate.” — Proverbs 24:13

Pour coffee into the mug over the honey and add hot milk to taste.

“And I am proceeding to go down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a land good and spacious, to a land flowing with milk and honey.” — Exodus 3:8

Stir it up to spread the milk and honey evenly throughout the beverage.

“With a man there is nothing better than that he should eat and indeed drink and cause his soul to see good because of his hard work. This too I have seen, even I, that this is from the hand of the true God.” — Ecclesiastes 2:24

Enjoy the time at home with your family and loved ones.

Quotations from the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures